The dreaded has happened.
The day every parent lives in cringing fear of.
The day your kid walks in on you when you're in the middle of sexytime.
Yep. Hot Stuff just got home from two weeks away at work and we snuck upstairs after plunking the kids in front of the computer. We figured they would be totally absorbed, as they are forbidden to play on or near the laptop, so this is a very rare treat.
"Hey, we just bought ourselves at least half an hour of funtime." "What are we going to do with the extra 25 minutes?" (I can really turn up the heat, I know.)
About five minutes after clothes have been flung everywhere, The Princess walks into our bedroom and says, "Hey, what are you guys doing??"
Hot Stuff jumped
As she's hauling ass back downstairs, I hear The Princess shout down to her brothers, "Hey guys, guess what!! I saw Daddy's penis!!"
Mood: gone. I had a massive fit of the just-got-busted giggles and that was it for me.
I hid in the upstairs hallway, still giggling like a jackass, while Hot Stuff braved the rabble downstairs. I hear The Princess say, "Hey, what were you guys doing up there, anyway? Were you having the sexy?" (She's FOUR. Where did hear that from?) Then The Hurricane pipes up with, "Were you having sex? My friend told me that sex is when a man puts his penis into a vagina."
That's the exact moment where every ounce of air exited my body all at once, and I went blind for a minute or so. Also, I had an epiphany: I need to start drinking. Heavily.
When my vision cleared and I could breathe again, I came downstairs to have a Short But Serious Talk with the 7 year old about sex. I was wholly unprepared for his awareness of what sex is at the age of seven. Hot Stuff and I talked with the boy, all the while I couldn't help feeling more than a little sad that my son has taken another step forward in growing up. I wanted him to be little for just a while longer. Say, another 15 years.
*I told you you'd be scarred.**
**Probably everyone who read this is scarred. I know I am.