Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I am at a loss for finding stuff this week. Not that I didn't do a bunch of stuff, I think it was either so stupid or traumatic that my mind has blocked it out. Here is what I remember:

I did not completely embarass my darling husband in the video store when I saw a movie titled Donkey Punch. I did not loudly ask, "Donkey Punch? What the heck is a Donkey Punch?" To which he did not stammer a reply explaining what a donkey punch is. If you don't know, you can go here. WARNING: It's sexually explicit and frankly, disgusting. (The kind of thing you're better off not knowing. Seriously.)

I did not totally take advantage of my sister while she stayed at my house for 4 days before travelling back to BC. I would never sleep in until 9am everyday and let her do all the morning kid stuff. I also did not eat most of the pan of Rice Krispies (the kind that are made with fresh marshmallows) that she made for the kids.

I did not spend Saturday at a town fair 45 mins away with my whole "entourage" including: Hot Stuff, Best Sister Ever, my 3 kids, my niece and nephew. We did not have a wonderful time having a wagon ride, watching horses, watching the heavy horse pull, etc.. I also would never wait in line for half an hour-ish so the three biggest kids could get air-brush tattoos, while said small children ran wild. (Also, my heart was not bursting with pride when my Hurricane asked the shy little girl in line in front of us if she would come and play with him. To which she replied, "Not now, maybe later," and hid behind her grandma. Not even 10 seconds later she was running my Hurricane down and laughing and screaming with all the other kids. God I love my kid!!) After waiting in line for.. EVER, I did not let the two boys pick their own tattoos, of course they picked pirates. Hot Stuff did not point out to me later they weren't pirate tattoos, they were Grim Reaper tattoos. I most definitely did not send my nephew home with a Grim Reaper tattoo. I'm sure his uptight, serious, morally superior, tsk-tsking parents were fine with it. NOT!

Lastly, I didn't tell my Hurricane that running around and yelling would spook the horses. I would never, ever lose my patience and tell him that if he did not stop I was going to feed him to the big (harmless) dog sitting next to us. That is reprehensible parenting. Also, I did not laugh at my own inappropriateness. The owners of the dog also did not laugh at my inappropriateness.

Not Me! Monday

I did not totally cheer out loud in the grocery store when it was 15% Tuesday and I, armed with my inherent stinginess, coupons and Save-On-More card, saved a grand total of $77.34. How uncouth that would be. My triumphant and lengthy self-congratulation session (jeez, that sounds kind of dirty) definitely did not make me late for dropping D off for a freaking job interview (nothing says, 'I want to work for you!' more than being late even before you get hired. Except maybe giving the interviewer the following excuse, 'Sorry I'm late, it's not my fault. My ride was late.' Go me.). When we got home from shopping and job interviewing, I did not completely forget Little Dude in his carseat until he cooed at me when I was unloading the very last two bags of groceries. That would be negligent parenting.



I did not spend a good part of Wednesday yelling at the Hurricane to: stop running in the house, stop yelling in the house, stop acting like a maniac, sit down, don't hurdle over the babies, leave your sister alone, quit bugging the big kids, go outside and play, get inside out of the rain, go to your room, get out of my room, shut off the TV, don't touch the radio, turn the radio back on, turn the damn radio down, holy crap you are making me freaking insane and I am about to lose my mind so you'd better knock off the crap before I go postal and your backside gets a smack. None of that was said in either a loud or exasperated voice, as I am a calm and peaceful parent. My children do not require me to speak in a loud voice that others would deem yelling, especially as we are a family of 10 right now.



I did not eat two cinnamon buns and a chocolate cupcake after lunch on Wednesday. I have oodles of self control.

I did not bake some bread today and put it in the oven to rise. I did not completely forget about the bread and turn the oven on to pre-heat. With the bread still inside. Fortunately, no bread was injured in the making of that mistake.

Strangely enough, nobody in our family of 10 has been maimed or died because of bad attitude and had their body buried in the backyard injured. Yet. D has found a house to move into next weekend-ish. I think all the kids are pretty happy because they are seriously making each other crazy. The little kids are annoying the big kids, the big kids are annoying the adults, and the babies are wailing and annoying everyone.

Siiiiggghhh. I'm gonna miss this.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Ahh, returning to Not Me! Monday.

What didn't I do this week?

Well, I didn't grab a clean diaper and whack two mosquitoes with it, wipe off mosquito guts, then put the diaper on my child. That. would. be. disgusting.

I also did not dress in a slightly see-through tank top (with a matching color but slightly darker bra underneath) and head into town to do some running around on Friday. (It sounds trampy when I write it, but really, it wasn't. I was wearing one of those La Senza super push up bras that makes my sweater puppies look really good.) While in town, I did not stop to get Frosty Shakes from Wendy's (my new favorite Free Day treat) and get caught in a torrential downpour when walking from the restaurant back to the truck, while carrying 4 drinks (Me to Wendy's counter guy: "Oh, no thanks. I don't need a drink tray, I'd rather struggle. Why? Because I'm a f*cking moron."). Good thing that slightly see-through tank top did not go completely see-through. That would be un-classy of me. Greatest Sister Ever (who was with me) did not pee her pants a little from laughing at me.

I did not totally forget to Engage Brain and give my 19 month old daughter a small Frosty Shake of her own with an easily removable lid. If I did do that, it would have led to her ripping the lid off and using her hand as a spoon to scoop out said Frosty Shake, then turning the cup upside down and dumping chocolate shake all over her, and then touching everything within reach; leaving chocolate all over her carseat, the back of my seat, the door, the window, herself. That would have been just stupid. Good thing I did not do that.

After not completely soaking through my slightly see-through tanktop, I did not have to stop at another grocery store, forcing me to mad-dash through the still pounding rain yet again. Even if this did happen, I would definitely not have ripped apart the truck only to realize that I had forgotten any sort of outerwear/sweater to cover up my indecent self.

The lady behind the counter at Superstore did not look at me like I had walked in wearing only cowboy boots and pasties.

Remember when I didn't wear jeans and a black shirt in the blazing sun and spend all evening sweating like a fat guy after too many bear claws? Yeah, I don't either. Good thing I didn't do it again on Saturday. Only this time, I did not wear jeans and a black t-shirt to our locale parade and fun day. I did not spend 4 hours (again, no sunscreen on me) walking around getting a sexy sunburn on my arms, not giving myself farmer's tan and gorgeous pit stains. (Black shirts do show sweat marks - especially sweat marks that creep down from armpit to hem and around the front and back).

Putting together the swing set today did not almost come to blows because Hot Stuff is not so frustrating he makes me start looking for brick walls to beat my face against. I did not jump in the truck after less than 5 minutes of "teamwork" and head into town bitching the whole way to my sister about husbands who feel the need to pull out a drill and drill holes where holes shouldn't be drilled, instead of reading instructions.

I did not get back from town and have a big ole smirk on my face when I noticed that Hot Stuff had put the swingset together the way I told him it was supposed to go. I also did not rub it in a few times. That is uncouth and I would not do that. Nope! Not me!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Oh where to begin on this Not Me! Monday!! Well, first, I did not burst out laughing at soccer on Wednesday when my 4 year old ran off the field mid-game and proceeded to pee right out in the open where everyone could see him. I also did not point him out and make jokes when he started waving his penis around like a fire hose. That would be a terrible example of mothering.

Yesterday, I most certainly did not cause my sister and I to tear the house apart looking for baby carseat shoulder pads that I later realized never existed in the first place. Nope! I also most certainly never said, "I must be losing my f*cking mind!!" loud enough for all three children to hear. I would never do such a thing.

Although I admit to having the same sense of humor as an immature 12 year old, I definitely didn't offer to give my husband a bl*wjob while wearing my new nighttime mouthguard. My sister and I both did not find that so funny we could not stop laughing. Especially when I didn't put said night guard in my mouth, sit in hubby's lap, and suck my teeth while giving him lascivious winks. That would be disgusting. I would never do that. Not me!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Oh where to begin on this Not Me! Monday. Well first, I did not drag my kids and my sister on a 5 hour road trip to go to a wedding this weekend. I also did not cave and let my son eat worthless Dunkaroos instead of healthy snacks while on the road. My children, my little precious angels, did not stay awake all night on Thursday night. Because my children were not wide-awake, I most assuredly did not drag my 4 year old son down the hall, down the elevator, and outside the hotel at 2:00am to give him hell and tell him that if he needed to talk and run around so bad, he should do it outside in the parking lot. At 4:00am, I also did not pack my still wide-awake kids in the truck and drive around for half an hour looking for Gravol. Nope. Not me!

I did not have a major internal freak out at said wedding while standing at the mic attempting to be the MC. I did not stare out at the crowd and wish desperately that the floor would open up and swallow me. Not once did I screw up on the order of the speeches, pick the wrong song for the bride/groom and parent's dance, or at any time point the mic at the speaker, resulting in ear-shattering feedback. I also didn't forget to bring my camera. Never. I am calm, cool, and collected always. Because I am so cool, I definitely didn't sit down with the bride's brother and cause him to look like he just got punched in the guts when I brought up his ex-girlfriend, the one who broke his heart. Nope. Not me!

I also did not let my children run like wild savages at the reception, forget to brush their teeth at least once every day this week, or pretend that I don't see the lake of formula on the floor from where the bottle leaked through the bouncy chair.

Right now, I am not sitting at the computer at 1:00 in the afternoon, still not dressed, still not showered, with unbrushed teeth, letting my son watch the movie "Cars" for the second time today. And I am definitely not thinking of getting a snack and kicking my kid off the TV so I can sit down and watch Dr. Phil. Nope, not me!

Not Me! Monday (My first ever!!)

Well, where does one begin with Not Me! Monday? Giving credit where credit is due, of course. Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I most certainly did not stay up waaayyy too late last night, then wake up cranky this morning and spend the first hour complaining about how tired I am. Did I pretend I didn't hear my Little Dude fussing while I was in the shower this morning, and gave my hair an extra shampoo? No way. Since my sister was here this weekend I definitely did not completely slack off and let her do all the child care, meal prep, and cleaning. Nope! And just now, I didn't brush lunch crumbs from the Princess's shirt and pants onto the floor and call the dog over to lick them up instead of sweeping. I would never do such a thing. Not me!