Walking in here is like walking into an empty room that still holds lots of really cool stuff that I forgot I had. Things that I had to put aside because Life shit the bed and I had to go clean it up.
Am I back? I don't know. I miss this place and this space and the connections I felt. (Yeah, I mean you. You're fucking awesome, keep that shit up!)
It's been a shit show this year, for realz. I did leave Hot Stuff; packed up my goods and my kids and frappe la rue; found me and the little ones a place to live and by God, I did it. We started marriage counseling, sold the house... and then bought a new house, and moved into it together. I still don't know if it was the right time to do it. On one hand, it has been amazing for the kids. They have friends here. Friends that they can bike around the street with, or play in each others' backyards. It has been great for me, too. The deep, deep loneliness that I felt living out in the country - essentially by myself - is gone. Hot Stuff is working overseas and his schedule is 4 weeks gone and 4 weeks home. It's a really great schedule because it gives him solid working time, and then me and the kids get time with him when he's home for a month.
On the other hand... our marriage isn't fixed. We are on the road, but there is a far distance to travel. We still have issues that are pretty big. We're still going to go to counseling, still keep trying to figure all this shit out.