Thursday, March 25, 2010


Hot Stuff is dropping the kids off at daycare today, so I am not presently rushing around gathering bags and sippy cups and setting out coats and boots for my kids to be helped into, half asleep, then rushed out to the car.  I have a few minutes of quiet.  It's really nice.

We put Little Dude into a booster seat at the table yesterday - no more highchair!  A small part of me is sad that he is moving away from the baby things, but a larger part of me is relieved.  Now if I could only convince him to start walking.  I am going to re-christen him Stubborn Like Goat if he doesn't fall in line. (His big brother is aka Listens Like Stick and his sister is aka..well.. Princess.)

The other day Little Dude was crawling around and the Princess accidentally stepped on his hand.  He started to cry, of course, so she knelt down to give him a hug (as much as it may appear that she has him in a headlock, it is a headlock of love), and squished his other hand under her knee.  She was puzzled as to why he cried harder when she "hugged" him.


So quiet. Why do I think I am forgetting something? Oh yeah, because I have forgotten what it is like to not have to fly out the door.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I'm pretty sure I just about DIED today.

Where do I get these stupid ideas?

Today I decided to take my shiny new MP3 player with Sport Band out for a run.  A RUN. What. The. Eff. ?.

I haven't been for a run for years.  As in, 3 years.  Not only that, I haven't been working out with any kind of consistency lately. In some kind of vicious circle, the not working out has led me to be disappointed with the scale not moving (169.0 last Friday), which has led me to believe that I need to start RUNNING.

What is wrong with me, people? (Actually, Rootietoot pegged it a while ago: "You're kind of an idiot." It's as valid a diagnosis as any.)

So anyways, needless to say, I am shockingly out of shape.  So far out of shape as to be classified as dodecahedral.  I started out with this harebrained idea that I would go running for 20 minutes today; you know, nice and easy.  Something I could build on, because obviously for me, 20 minutes is nothing.  I can do 20 minutes on my recumbent bike practically standing on my head.

Before I go on, I need to explain something so we can all really, really appreciate the richness with which I received my comeuppance today.  One of my favorite shows to watch is X-Weighted. I love to watch people transform themselves with good old fashioned hard work and self-denial.  I do need to admit, however, that when the people are doing their initial fitness assessments, I am the first in line to tsk-tsk about how poorly they are doing. Honestly, what is taking you so long, lady? You're going to have to move your ass faster than that. (Sidenote: I am usually snacking while watching X-Weighted. Sick, hey?)  I then compare myself with how the contestants fare during that first fitness assessment, and (without fail) I can congratulate myself on Having Not Let Myself Go Quite As Much As That.

Until today.

Today, I got a giant smack-down.  You know how far into my run I made it before I had to stop? 1 minute, 30 seconds. 1:30 and I was done.  My legs: on fire.  My lungs: begging for mercy.  I had that thick, metallic taste at the back of my throat and cramping in my sides. I was pretty well ready to pass out on the side of the damn highway. I spent the following 10 minutes alternating 1 minute of running and 1 minute of walking. Then I was able to build myself up so that by the end of this "fun" run, I was doing 2:15 running, :45 walking.  Oh. My. God. I am so, so out of shape.  Thank you, Life, for kicking my ego right in the babymaker, and then kicking it some more while I was down.

In some sick, twisted way, it has given me a challenge.  Instead of being all high and mighty about my non-existent Superior Fitness Level, I am forced to admit that I am going to have to work really, really hard to get to that 20 minute mark.  You know, the super-easy 20 minute mark that was just somewhere to start; somewhere to build from? I guess (big sigh) I also should (big eye roll) acknowledge some bad habits (super pissy pouty face) like eating junk in front of the TV (another giant sigh and eye roll) and being all judgmental (finger quotes and catty tone).

7 hours later and my lungs and legs still hurt.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Joining the 21st century

On the phone with Doreen a while ago:

Me: I think I'm the only person in the entire world who doesn't have an MP3 player.

Doreen: No, I'm sure lots of people don't have MP3 players.

Me: Sigh. I doubt it.

Later, Doreen called me back.

Doreen: Hey, it's me, you remember how you said you were the last person in the world without an MP3 player?

Me: Yeah.

Doreen: You were right.  Even the Duggar kids have iPods!!

Oh yeah? OH YEAH, DOREEN? Well I got NEWS FOR YOU, SISTER! I am the PROUD owner of a NEW 4 Gig MP3 player. In YOUR face. Yeah, I said it. In YOUR face.

How do I use the stupid thing anyway?

I bought special headphones-- or pardon me, "ear buds" - and a "sport band" so I could wear my new MP3 player on my arm and go jogging, and have music: handsfree!

I downloaded LimeWire and then downloaded some music (in Canada P2P is still legal, so in YOUR face, FBI).  I downloaded such gems as: Pump Up The Jam (oh yes I did, and you know you love it), Bad Romance (don't act like it's not on your MP3 player too), Milkshake (my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.  I could teach you but I'd have to charge. Cash only, no credit. Sorry), and Everyday People (both the Arrested Development and Sly & The Family Stone versions, because they are both so funkalicious). I also downloaded a bunch of other stuff that I didn't think anybody would have heard of.  If you have any suggestions for good-to-work-out-to (or just plain good) music, I would love to hear them.

I figured out how to transfer the music onto the MP3 player.

My MP3 player got locked and loaded in the Sport Band.

Yesterday I strapped on my locked and loaded MP3 player in it's Sport Band, put my shoes on, stretched out, and:

unloaded the dishwasher and made granola bars.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

It's nights like these.

I am back to work tomorrow (after a few days off) for three 12-hr shifts in a row.  I had really hoped that tonight would be calm and smooth and what the hell was I thinking?

We had a big lunch, so I decided french toast for supper would be just right.  In my infinite be-on-top-of-things-ness, I put the two little ones into the tub before supper.  After bathtime and while I made supper, I let Little Dude crawl around just in his super-cool Diego poncho-style towel.

In the middle of making french toast, I dropped the cinnamon on the floor.  It may have been due to the fact that I had just discovered the front door knob was broken.  Broken as in, I had to completely remove it from the door to get the front door open.  Or maybe I dropped the cinnamon because I realized that I had a front door with a hole instead of a doorknob, that was basically a giant neon sign saying "Come In and Rob Us" and I was going to be working 12 hour days for the next three days and it was 5:40 and the hardware store was going to close at 6:00 and I had one half dressed kid and one completely undressed kid.

I half-assed dressed the children and practically threw them into their carseats.  I sped to town.  I made it to the hardware store with minutes to spare. Luckily (*snicker*), my children had the good sense to break the doorknob when doorknobs were on sale at the hardware store.  Gee, thanks, kids.

Well, since we're in town, I should pick up milk, I think to myself.  As I am pulling up in front of the little convenience store, my son threw something at me.  From two rows back.  I got nailed in the ear with the insole of one of his new boots (what the hell? I don't get it either).  I came unglued.  I'm pretty sure the whole entire street now knows how dangerous it is to throw something at someone who is driving and why my kid is never, ever, EVER going to do that again.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig.  The kids eat.  I change out a doorknob.  I walk into the bathroom after attempting to clean the kitchen.  My children, my beautiful older children, have dumped water all over the floor near the sink.  My baby has toilet papered the wet floor.  With a whole roll of toilet paper.

Shower the big kid.  Teeth brushing for everyone.  Quick, quick, it's past your bedtime.  We'll do stories tomorrow.  Extra stories.  Into bed now.  Love you.

A half clean bathroom.

Two loads of laundry to fold, one still to go into the wash.

A half clean kitchen.

Two baby bags and one lunch to pack for tomorrow.

One Princess, refusing to stay in her bed.

One Little Dude, wailing away in his crib.

Why is this shit happening tonight?

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Princess-isms and Brownies Plus!!

My little girl is learning more and more new words everyday; along with the learning comes the mangling.  Some of my favorites:

GICKLE GICKLE GICKLE!: tickle, tickle, tickle. At top volume (of course).

Sedder: sweater

Fu-uhk you: thank you

Bye see ew wader: bye see ya later

Wan cuhwuh: i want to cuddle

Pe-ah buhyur: peanut butter

Peanut butter makes me think of chocolate.  Chocolate makes me think of Brownies Plus. Thinking of Brownies Plus kick-starts my salivary glands and reminds me that I should post the recipe. This recipe is straight from the book Cream Puff Murder by Joanne Fluke. Cream Puff Murder is a Hannah Swensen mystery and has a lot of yummy recipes.  As a matter of fact, all of the Hannah Swensen mysteries have great recipes to go along with entertaining stories. (I have tried recipes out of all of the books I've read in the series. What can I say? Hannah Swensen runs a cookie shop. I love cookies.)

Thursday, March 4, 2010


ZOMG, somebody stop my inner twelve-teen year old from Freaking the Fark Out before I go completely Nuclear and my head explodes.


My sister has outed me on Facebook with the following:

Meg* "wishes her sister wasn't so damn busy...she needs to keep writing her blogs...they are so freakin' funny and lets face it, I need a really good laugh (among other things..LOL)"

HI FAMILY AND FRIENDS.  I'm just as obnoxious here as I am in real life. Happy reading.

*I tried to link up her blog with her name, but it appears that she has taken her blog down.  Skank.

I am going to drown my sorrows with some Brownies Plus.**

**You don't want to know what the "Plus" is.***

***Yes you do. It's chocolate bars. Yes, brownies with the chocolate bars built right in.  Never again will I be forced to make that second trip to the kitchen to get a chocolate bar with which to wash my brownies down.  Homemade convenience food. How awesome is that?

Way more awesome than your Dad potentially reading your blog. (Did I forget to say thanks for that, Meg?  And by thanks I mean, "The Opposite Of Thanks, But Way Harsher.")

Just sayin'. (Skank.)