Sunday, August 23, 2009

Another Rant.

So soon, you say? Why yes, you lucky devils.

Well. We all know what my Hurricane has been up to this weekend. Disfiguring his beautiful face, is what he's been doing. Now that the swelling has gone down a bit, he is edging closer towards Kid Presentable (oh yes, I am still laughing about it). And also, reminds me of Cher. I still kept singing, "If I Could Turn Back Time," in my mind - and sometimes out loud - when he was in the room. Also, I demanded to know where the hell he got the money for Botox and collagen injections. He couldn't give me a straight answer, so now I'm suspicious.

The Princess, not to be outdone by her big brother, has also been causing me heartache. This time, it's really not her fault. Because of her infected finger, then the staple incident, she was on some antibiotics. Little girls who are on antibiotics sometimes get an outbreak of thrush around some sensitive areas due to the bacterial imbalance from taking antibiotics. (I am being overly descriptive because she is my little girl and this is kind of private, but it is leading somewhere. Ladies, I think you know what I'm talking about without me saying it anyways.)

I went to Superstore (oh yeah, I am naming names and pointing fingers and chewing gum and all the other cool stuff you do when kicking ass) yesterday because the Princess has outgrown the shoes I bought all of two and a half months ago, and I wanted to see if they had any cute shoes in her size. Which is now size Clown-and-a-half, narrow. She'll also fit into a size Ski, regular. Aaaanyyyways, I go to the pharmacy to talk to the pharmacist and get some pharmaceutical advice about using Lotrimin on her ouchy looking skin, which is redder than the ass of a baboon. I say to the pharmacist, "I am 99.9% sure she has an external *insert name of condition here*, and I wanted to know if over the counter Lotrimin is appropriate for her age."

The pharmacist says to me, "Well, did you take her to a doctor?"

To which I reply, "No, however, I am sure this is a simple external *insert name of condition here*. Can I use Lotrimin?" In my mind, my answer was this, "Look, lady, we've all had one or two and I'm pretty sure I know one when I see one. Can I use the damn Lotrimin or what?"

The pharmacist gives me a look like I am quite possibly the most ignorant person she's talked to for at least 20 minutes, and says (in that same voice we talk to our 2 year olds), "Well. You'll have to take her to a doctor first. I'm soooo sorry."

Is it really any wonder that we are all waiting at least a week to get an appointment with a doctor? Or sitting in a clinic for 2 or 3 hours? Subtle messages are passed to us that say we are incapable of thinking for ourselves and require a doctor's diagnosis for everything. No, no we don't. I am not stupid, but I am not any smarter than anybody else out there. I look at scrapes and bumps and listen to coughs and think: can I handle this myself? If the answer is yes, we don't go to the doctor. If I'm not sure, I call HealthLink (you call and talk to a nurse about symptoms you or child-who-does-something-stupid-or-develops-some-funky-condition-usually-at-bedtime has and the nurse gives you advice). If things don't clear up or at least get a bunch better, or get worse, in two days, then we go to the doctor.

Back in the day, we didn't go to the doctor for nothing. You had to be on fire and bleeding from the ears before my mom would take you to the doctor. Did you smack the back of your head and get a nosebleed and now your pupils aren't the same size? Going to the doctor. Your big sister slammed the car door on your fingers again and now they're swollen and rainbow colored? Nope. Fever? Stayin' home, unless it gets real bad. Got a cold so bad you can't breathe properly? Get in the car. Puking and shitting at the same time? Not. Going. Anywhere. At least until you're risking dehydration.

I have a comfort level, which I'm sure everyone has, although everyone's is different. Why do I need a doctor to look at my daughter and say, "Yep. That's a *insert condition here*," when I was already pretty sure about it? So what, he can tell me to go get some over the counter medication? I have just wasted 4 minutes of the doctor's time and likely 2 hours of my own time. This is not exactly rocket science, and if I'm wrong, it's not life-altering. The Princess, other than being a bit irritable, is asymptomatic. If this condition does not go away in two days, I'll drag her to the doctor.

Today I went to my usual grocery store, and talked with "my" pharmacist (who is pretty nice to look at and is a really great pharmacist. He can even look you in the eye while saying things like 'vagina' and 'labia' and 'yeast infection'). He gave me nystatin and explained to me why it was good and what I should watch out for. I would rather spend $8 now and start treating it as opposed to calling the doctor's office and maybe getting a Friday appointment, and leaving it untreated until then.

Just sayin'.


  1. I totally agree. I had to beg an ER doctor to give me a chest X-Ray. I knew I had pneumonia - I've had it before. He thought I was wrong...but boy, you should have seen the look on his face, when he came in with the x-ray film. Jerk! We have to be our own guides sometimes...and for our kids, too!

  2. I think I share your mom's thresholds for doctor/hospital visits. I also use the "on fire and bleeding" criteria for interrupting me on the telephone. More than one person on the other end of the phone has been taken aback my me suddenly barking "ARE YOU ON FIRE? NO? THEN GET OUT OF HERE!"

    Why can't they figure out that the fancy thing with the buttons that I have held to my ear means "mom/dad's busy"?

    Oh yeah, doctor (ahem). It also gives you a bit of cred with your own doctor (so long as that's who you get to go to) when you DO come in with a sick kid. You get more attention than just a pat on the head.

  3. I'm with ya' on the doctor thing. The waiting forEVER when you aren't sure if the kid is really sick but probably will be by the time you leave, the expensive co-pay, the tired, cranky, HUNGRY child, the tired, cranky HUNGRY mom. Yup, it's a recipe for disaster.

  4. If I had a dollar for every time I was FORCED to take my girls to the doctor, I'd be a rich woman. I always took it one step further and PRAYED there would be antibiotics and drugs prescribed because somehow in my "warped, mommy is so tired from lack of sleep because girlies are sick" mind, if drugs were prescribed than the forced doctor visit was worth it!


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