Thursday, November 12, 2009

Letters of Intent, Nov 13/09

Letters of Intent

Letters of Intent, brought to you by Julie @ Foursons

Dear Circles of Hell Save On Foods,

I truly enjoyed our visit through your bolgia aisles tonight.  I know, maybe it's not the best idea ever to drag your three children through the Inferno grocery store at 7pm after a long day and when everyone is tired.  Oops, my bad.

Well, it didn't start off terribly.  I didn't realize the magnitude of my catastrophic mistake until we were just about ready to leave Circle One: Limbo the frozen food section.  That's about when the Little Dude got stuck in the foot-well of the two-child steering wheel "fun" cart, and let out a very unearthly screech when the Princess tried to sit on his head.  And then another screech when I got him unstuck.  Did anyone else's ears start bleeding? Sorry about that.  I had just listened to him cry for the whole ride into town, so I barely heard anything.  Just felt the blood trickle down my face.

Wouldn't you know it, as soon as Little Dude was settled down with a bottle and a jerry-rigged seatbelt so he couldn't slide down anymore, we hit the Third Circle: Gluttony lunch snacks section, and some serious, major whining of, "I'm hungry," and dangerous cart-driving by the Hurricane forced me to enter the Fifth Circle of the Wrathful and the Seventh Circle of the Violent and grab him by the damn jacket and threaten his life firmly yet gently reprimand him.  I hope that guy that the Hurricane plowed into doesn't sue you.  Hey, I apologized.  As a former Single Person myself, I know that Single People much prefer to do their grocery shopping in the evening so they don't have to listen to a bunch of loud, obnoxious kids.

After I got One and Three taken care of, Two figured it was her turn and began leaning precariously over the steering wheel kid-containment area of the shopping cart into the grocery area of the shopping cart.  Her aim? To  open and/or squish and/or smash and/or dump as many boxes and bags as possible like the wraith of the Fourth Circle of Wasters that she is.  I bet your stock-boy thought it was cute; I'm sure he loved chasing after us giving us stuff that was being tossed out of the cart.  The baby's bottle, granola bars, stuff out of my purse..

Eventually, we did make it to the till with all present and accounted for.  I was reminded that there is nothing like a crying baby to make a checkout girl haul ass and get those groceries through the till.  I could tell she was real happy to see me pull out my coupon wallet, too cause I'm still queen of the Fourth Circle Spendthrifts, bitches.

So thanks for showing us a good time, Circles of Hell Save-On Foods.  Let's do it again soon!



  1. Bless your heart! (I mean that in the kindest way, of course)

  2. As a Mom, I have found that shopping at the all-night grocery about 3 a.m. is almost Zen-like in its serenity. Everyone all tucked in and snuggly at home and I can enjoy the muzak covers of Beatles tunes pumped in from overhead unmarred by unearthly screeches and me shouting, "Put that the hell back!!!"

  3. I LOVE this! Anyone who can take Dante's Inferno and apply it so perfectly to a grocery trip is awesome in my book!

  4. Hahahaha- the coupons were the icing on the cake. Scan girl...SCAN! Bawahahahaha!

    Thanks for linking up AGAIN girly!

  5. wow. I would have been sobbing by the end of that... you are a strong mama! Save On... so you live in Canada? I am from CAnada, BC, but living in TX now. why? I don't know. some dumb reason.

  6. I have never been there done that hahahaha!! I I am the coupon queen too and I know the chic back there is grinding her teeth trying not to say anything to me! Which I sooooo dare her!

  7. Oh how I remember those fun trips with all three in tow. I used to BEG for time alone to go to the grocery store just to avoid the nightmare!

  8. HAAAAA! I love it. And I know how stressful it is for me to go to the store with only one kid. You? Are a supermom.

  9. The grocery store is definitely not a fun place with kids of any age - unless you are one-on-one. For that very reason, I have now left all of the grocery shopping to my husband. He goes LATE at night, when most of the world (my world anyway) is sound asleep! THANK GOODNESS!

  10. Yay!! I have another follower!

    You know, I went ahead and put that banner in the laundry room. I'm pretty sure my landlord thinks we're crazy.


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