Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Battle

Sometimes the universe conspires to help you. No, seriously, it does. I know, right? I never would have believed it either, until it happened to me.

Yesterday was The Anniversary. My sister was here, we got our tattoos (honestly? I 'like' mine, but I don't 'love it' yet), the kids kept us busy, I never got a moment's peace to have a big, wrenching, ugly cry over my mom. So I went to bed and read and then the Princess was up and kept us up to 2:30-ish and then finally I got to sleep. When I woke up at the crack o' 9:30am today, the house was silent. Hot Stuff had run to town and my sister had taken the two big kids to the park. Little Dude was sleeping in bed with me. ("Oh there's a baby here!! How'd you get here, baby?")

Sidenote: I am on the patch to help me quit smoking, and I wear it for 24 hours. It is giving me the most vivid dreams (unfortunately, not dirty ones) and I'm waking up a lot at night.

So anyways. I usually change my patch around 8 or 9am; apparently it only holds medication for 24 hrs.

Aaaanyways, I get up at 9:30 and damn. it. I need a smoke in the worst way. So I come downstairs and go immediately to the freezer where Hot Stuff keeps his carton of cigs. I am in the process of reaching in for a pack when Hot Stuff pulls in the driveway.

Thank you, Universe, that was close. I tell Hot Stuff and he puts the carton in his truck.

All day I have battled the urge to smoke. The only time I wasn't thinking about smoking, or talking myself into smoking, or talking myself out of smoking, was when I slept for two hours this afternoon.

After I woke up from my nap, I realized that I was actually wearing my last patch and needed to run to town to get more. So, (oh yes, the irony) (boy I sure hope I used that word in the proper context) I decided I was going to sneak a smoke and smoke it on the way into town because then nooooobody would know, except me. When I was a smoker, we had lighters all over this house. Any surface that a small monkey-child could not reach was guaranteed to have a lighter on it.

Thank you, Universe, for hiding all the lighters on me. Because I looked. I haven't worked that hard in years, and still nothing. I checked every drawer, every winter coat pocket, every shelf, every place I could covertly check without making Hot Stuff suspicious. Big. Fat. Nothing.

Well, I'm still undeterred. I can stop at the gas station and grab a pack of free matches, so I'll just grab a cig out of Hot Stuff's pack that he so conveniently left by the front door before I go to town.

"Bye, honey, won't be long, do you need anything?" I sweetly ask, grabbing the pack of smokes by the front door.

"Yeah, get me a banana split. No pineapple. Extra chocolate instead," he yells back as I flip open the pack, anticipation making my fingers itch.

Thank you, Universe, for the empty pack of cigs by the front door. Well played, sir. Well played.


  1. Wow! I hope it starts getting easier for you.

    I have found that the days leading up to the "anniversary" are worse then the actual day itself. I hope that was the case for you. Let's see a picture of that tat!

  2. Congratulations on another day. We often notice when the Universe conspires against us. Further congrats on noticing it working for you!

  3. My brother and BIL both used the patch. Both have not smoked in over 18 months! Good luck. They did say they had some wild and wicked dreams though...interesting side effect.

  4. Harmzie sent me your way, because I've just posted on my blog both a) my confession of still being a smoker and b) my commitment to quit (effective next Saturday).

    I have found that I cannot honour a promise made to myself, but since I quit smoking while I was pregnant, I'm hoping that I'll be able to honour this, my second commitment to a child of mine (my stepdaughter). I've verbalised that promise to her, so now it's up to me to show her that adults can keep promises.

    My fingers are crossed for both of us.


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