Sunday, August 30, 2009

The County Fair

So I dragged (drug? drugged? HA! I wish) my kids and husband to the county fair (well Ah shore did! a-hyuck!) on Saturday. Even though we missed the free pancake breakfast (bummer), we saw the parade, played on the bouncy castle, and watched a lumberjack show. See, here's the thing about county fairs: the whole damn county shows up. Good thing I have a real natural talent for elbowing my way through crowds ("Oh, I'm sorry, did I bang into you with my baby? My baby that is in a sling that I made myself?"), or we would have never gotten front row seats to see the parade *or* the lumberjack show. I love me a good parade (well Ah shore do! a-hyuck!), except for all the damn kids. Who brought all these kids? And why are they so rudely standing right in front of me and my under-2 daughter as we sit patiently waiting for the tractors to pass? (hoo-boy! them was some mighty fit John Deeres!)

And the candy-grabbing! Is it just me, or does anyone else notice how aggressive kids are nowadays ('back in my day.. oh, musta been ought-four...') with the candy-grabbing? I watched kids from preschoolers on up racing out into the middle of the street, cutting right into the parade, to pick up candy. Hello kids? Do you see those horses? They are draft horses, also known as animals that spook easily and will stomp you to shit. Hello parents? Do you think it is wise to yell, "Go get that candy, honey! Go out and get it!" to egg your child into the path of an animal that is dumber than a sack of hammers and can get a freak on with 1500 lbs of thrust behind it?


The lumberjack show was fun - by far the most entertaining thing I've seen in a while. Especially the dude wearing the bright red nut huggers. Suspenders? Completely unnecessary. Sturdy Danny McGee was up his 59th tree, sayin, "I work just as fast as I can." Well, I'd probably work fast too, if my pants were that tight. Hey, I am not complaining. A good looking man in a pair of tight pants? There was some junk in that trunk, which went nicely with his well-muscled upper body. Yeah, I was looking. And I was liking. I may be chained to the porch, but I still bark at the cars.

I do love me some County Fair. Yep, mm-hmm.


  1. They should call the candy-grab the Darwinian Hustle!

    And now I have the Rasin Bran jingle lodged firmly in my ear for the rest of the day. By about mid-day I'll have forgotten why but it will still be there and because I won't know where it came from, it will drive me mad. I hope you're happy

  2. Bahahahahaha! Oh my goodness! Yeah, I was looking. And I was liking. I may be chained to the porch, but I still bark at the cars.


    How's the quitting smoking thing going?

  3. LOL. Great post. I know what you mean about aggressive kids...The yearly Easter egg hunt in our neighborhood can be downright dangerous! :)

  4. Hahahahah that's hilarious!

    Of course, when I first read the lumberjack part I was all "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I work all day." from Monty Python.

    Nut huggers hahahahahhaahah!!!!

  5. harmzie: darwinian hustle: I LOVE IT!!

    foursons: still stayin' strong. and pissy, some days, because i've put on a couple (or 7) pounds in the last month (HOLY! i just realized it's been almost a month!!) i haven't quite figured out what to do with my hands yet.

    gigi: easter egg hunts = preschooler Death Match. i don't know about you guys, but the second my kids are up, they are on the chocolate like stink on a skunk. they are in Mach Chicken Def Con 4 mode by 10 am. i can't imagine unleashing them on other people. well, now that i've thought about it, it might be entertaining.

    meg: thanks for the monty python laugh. my favorite is the bridge scene from the holy grail.


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