Letters of Intent: Friday Sep 18, 2009

Thank you to Foursons for Letters of Intent; head on over there when you're done here (obviously) and see who else has dug out the old Smith-Corona and put in a new ribbon.

Dear Dentist's Office,

Although I do appreciate the kindness and warmth with which you have consistently overcharged me, it is time for us to part ways; don't fear, there are more suckers out there who will pay your exhorbitant fees! You will forget about me soon enough.

Please know that I will cherish the memories of each and every one of my appointments. There was always plenty of time, usually about half an hour (sometimes even 40 minutes.. yay!), for me to read the ancient magazines in the waiting room. And the bathroom! Oh! The bathroom. It was very opulent - spa-like, even - with low lighting, top quality fixtures and cabinetry, and of course, marble countertops. I'm glad you found a good use for my hard earned money, Dentist's Office. But just one request? Maybe, for your future patients, you could actually turn the heat on in the bathroom.

I am so glad that I got the opportunity to spend about 2 hours with you at my last appointment, even though I was only scheduled for a couple of x-rays and an exam. I would have been sad to only have been with you for the 30 minutes it should have taken. It's a very good thing that my time is not valuable, and I really had nothing better to do but sit around at your office.

I remember the first time I took my Hurricane to see you, and we sat in your waiting room for over two hours. Do you know, it is really, really hard to keep a 3 year old boy occupied for two hours in a waiting room? Thankfully, it only took me going up to the desk once to say, "Hey, I think we've been waiting for well over an hour, are we going to see the dentist anytime soon?" for my little boy to be brought to the back within a half an hour.

I hope you can be mature and see that what I am about to tell you is constructive, and not destructive, criticism.

One of the reasons for the breakdown of our relationship is this, Dentist's Office; you cost too much money. You are the most expensive dentist in town, and I think you have more nerve than a bad tooth (pun intended) charging so much money for what amounts to an x-ray machine that can send images to a desktop PC. I have also begun to question why you gave me so many white fillings instead of fissure sealant. I have never had a cavity on my adult teeth and all my previous dentists have been fine with doing fissure sealants.

Here's the biggest thing, though, Dentist's Office: the last time I brought the Hurricane in, I was very unhappy. Your dental assistant was nice and all, but I made a "Dentist" appointment, not a "Dental Assistant" appointment. If I make a "Dentist" appointment for my kid, I expect my kid to see a "Dentist." I do not expect to hear, "Actually, there aren't any dentists here right now, but your son's teeth look fine to me," from your dental assistant. And I certainly do not expect to be charged $25 over and above what the Alberta government pays you for children's dental. Why are you the only one whose rates for children are higher than the government's? None of the other dentists here do that.

So, Dental Office, it is with this letter that I say goodbye. I will miss your fancy bathroom, but not your expensive, overpriced services. I expect that you really will take my $114 credit (which was a result of your stupid computer not knowing what 80% is so I had to pay up front and then AB Blue Cross reimbursed you when they should have reimbursed me, but you didn't bother to let me know, no, you deposited the money and gave me a credit on my account without so much as a phone call to ask if that would be okay, as I am the client and it is my money, so thanks, assholes) and write me a cheque and put it in the mail.

Sincerely,

Stone Fox