Thursday, October 22, 2009

Letters of Intent, Oct 22/09

Letters of Intent

Letters of Intent, by Julie @ Foursons. Who chewed all the pencils? Not me. Ok me.

Dear Life,

At this very moment, I am feeling quite overwhelmed by you. I need you to stop throwing so much at me because as much as I like to "keep busy" this is getting ridiculous.

The baking. You know how much I love to bake. Seriously, though? Two items each for the library Bake Sale and the pre-school Halloween party, and something for the daycare Halloween party? I do not have unlimited amounts of time to stand in the kitchen.

The sewing. (Yeah, I am domesticated like that.) I'll take part of the heat for this one, because I did open my big yap and offer to make a sling for my friend Kim, seeing as how she just had a baby girl. I only offered because my other friend Amber also just had a baby girl and since I can't afford to buy expensive baby gifts.. well.. fleece was on sale, and you get two slings from one piece of fabric. Okay, so that one is on me. But did the zipper in my only winter coat really have to crap out? I had to buy (and will have to sew) not one, but two zippers in order to fix my inner liner/outer shell-style of coat. Why, oh why, does the Hurricane's taekwondo** uniform require hemming of sleeves and leg cuffs? Why couldn't it just magically fit?

The cleaning. I can't stand all the crap that accumulates on the floor; the idea of my Little Dude crawling around in dog hair and slobbery cheerios and other icky detritus is just too much. Daily, I battle the mud and sand that is carried in by the boots of small children. Small daughter, specifically, who does not remove her boots at the door, instead wearing them all the way into the living room where she can jump on the couch. In her boots. So I feel compelled to vacuum every day, because I am disgusted by the state of the floors and carpets in this hovel. I am not even going to get started on the hell-hole that is called the living room, the wreck that is known as the Potty Training In Process bathroom, or the disaster that resembles the kitchen.

The money. We're struggling these days. I hate that we are forced to scrimp and pinch every penny in order for our kids to have some fun stuff. Taekwondo cost $155 today, for: uniform, sparring helmet, training manual, belt, and monthly payment of $40. I wrote another check for $36 for school pictures for the Hurricane. It was the 2nd cheapest option. I paid $20 for pictures at Sears for the Princess and the Little Dude. $20 isn't much, except when you don't really have it to blow on pictures. (I thought I could pay when I picked up the pictures, not at time of ordering. I really wish the woman had explained that to me when she said, "We can have your pictures for you today, but it's an extra $4 charge," and I specifically said, "I have no money today, so I won't be getting them today." Unfortunately, I was running late to pick up the Hurricane and it was just faster to pay the $20 instead of wasting ten minutes I didn't have while she changed my order.) Some days, I really hate being poor.

Myself. I am feeling very left behind, as all my girlfriends have jobs. What a silly thing to whine about, isn't it? We can't afford to pay daycare for me to go back to work. I should feel lucky and grateful to be able to be home with my kids. Well, I don't. I feel pouty. I wish I could work a couple of days a week. Allllll my friends get to wooooorrrrkk!!! I'm feeling kind of melancholy. I feel like I have lost my groove with life, and at the same time, I'm stuck in a rut. I am trying to get so much done in so little time, and it's killing me to do it. I also must give myself some Me time; usually it is reading blogs and writing. All of this adds up to staying up later and not getting enough sleep. Also, I think my hormones are out of whack. I have been keeping a period calendar for the last few months, and my cycle is all over the damn place. I just finished two weeks ago, and again I'm spotting. I have to get to the doctor and have my hormones checked. (Yet another thing to add to the list.)

The marriage. (I am kind of breaking a rule here. It is not a rule that has been discussed between Hot Stuff and myself, but I think on his end, it has been implied that I do not talk about our marriage, unless it's good happy stuff.) You know how they (the All-Knowing They from the Fake Institute) say that marriage is for better/for worse? It's not all for better. We're going through a for worse part right now. It's tough, and crappy, and we're hardly talking. I can't get him to talk to me about the things we need to talk about. He says he "doesn't want to get all upset right now," but seems indifferent to the fact that I have been "all upset" for the last three days.

So, as you can see, Life, there are many irons in the fire right now. I surely could use a bit of a breather. The tank is just about empty. (See? I have almost run out of cliches to express how run down over I feel.) What I could really use is a day off. A day where I don't feel the pressure to get as much done as possible before more shit comes rolling downhill towards me. That? Would be lovely. Please consider it.

Thanks a mill,


**I smelled Mr. T and he smells great! Still no picture as of yet.


  1. I feel you, I really do. I was already thinking of writing my own To Whom It May Concern post today, much along the same vein. I hope you don't think I'm copying off you, even though you are (of course) worth copying.

    All I can say is (((hugs))) and you need to get you some dark chocolate, girl.

  2. Gosh, you have a lot on your plate! I'm so sorry you're so busy you can't stop and take time for yourself. I think that is the Mom's saga. I feel the exact same way and my only down time is blogging which like you is done during my sleeping hours. *sigh* So sorry to hear you are in the "For Worse" part of the marriage vows right now- those are not good times at all. I hope it all gets better quickly so that you can start enjoying your days again!

    Thanks so much for linking up!

  3. (((hugs))) I say like I say to my kids when they're have a horrible time: What's the absolutely worst thing that could possibly happen to you? I mean REALLY awful? Someone could pull out a gun and shoot you between the eyes. Since that's not likely, everything else is do-able.

    So get some chocolate, and start with something simple, like hemming the pants. The floor can wait, it will just help build up his immune system anyway.

    Make rice krispie treats for the bake sale and the kiddies. Just make a big-assed pan of rice krispie treats. 3 birds with one stone.

    It will get better, I promise. One stupid task at a time.

  4. Are you writing about my life? ;) I hear you. It's frustrating, isn't it? On one hand I feel like I'm wasting time and not ejoying my children to the fullest, yada, yada, yada, and on the other hand, I just was to scream a little. *sigh*

  5. Oh I'm SO THERE!! (Including the sewing...I'm currently behind on her Thanksgiving set, and should have started her birthday jeans already too, but alas....)

    And I work FULL time, but I'm home as well and we're STILL poor? How does this happen? We're not big

    Hope it gets better.

  6. I'm sorry things are so overwhelming for you right now! It always seems like things pile up on you -- you can never have just one LAME thing at a time, you know?

    By the by, did you ever get yer package? Just curious.

  7. I'm trying to figure out if it's seasonal or if all the stars have collided with the sole purpose of making everyone I know have a really rough go.

    Sorry sister - I know very well that there's probably a lot less ha-ha in the daily managing of this stuff than you injected into your post. I hope you get one of those great and uplifting moments this weekend. You've certainly earned one.

  8. It sounds like you could really use a (((HUG))) right now. I'm sorry things are so tough. And because I hate it when people say, I will not say, "this too shall pass."

    Hang in there!

  9. WOW so sorry to hear you're overwhelmed. Virtual hugs for you! I'm sure things will balance themselve out, but until they do feel free to vent away to the cyber world. We don't judge.


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