The Stomach Flu: Not Just for Yakking on Yourself Anymore

This week saw me laid out on the couch even more than usual for a couple of days, too exhausted to even abuse amuse myself while wandering the internet. I had the stomach flu *sad face*. And a wicked fever *super sad face!!*. Even the throes of delirium are not enough to rid me of my inner horny-18-year-old-manboy-trying-to-get-laid mentality (that's just a metaphor, it's not like I have an actual "horny 18 year old manboy" chained up in the basement locked in the barn nevermind.)

So anyways.

Where was I? Oh yes. Throes of delirium: didn't stop my dirty mind from thinking of how I could use the flu to hit on people. Feel free to get your humpty-hump on with my awesome not-guaranteed-to-work unproven pick-up lines:

1. I'm probably not contagious anymore.*

2. I think I'm in love with you, and that's not the pyrexia talking.

3. Yeah, I do oral and rectal! Temperatures, that is.

4. These chills? I'm like a giant vibrator. *wink*

5. Is this a fever dream? Because you're too amazing to be real.

6. Oh yeah, I'm hot enough to vulcanize your giggle stick, baby.

7. Trust me, babe, I really know how to sweat up the sheets.

8. My sex is on fire, and so is the rest of me. How about we play Fireman and you cool me off with your hose?

9. Wanna help me break my fever?

10. I'm feeling a little warm; would you take my temperature with your meat thermometer?

*This is my absolute favorite pick up line of all time; it can be used in any situation on anybody.

Boy I sure used a lot of strike-out in this post. Yeah, I noticed that too.