Thursday, October 29, 2009

Letters of Intent, Oct 30/09

Letters of Intent


Letters of Intent is brought to you by Julie @ Foursons. I can think of nothing witty to say. You can have  either witty or sensible.  I am incapable of both at the same time right now.  Happy Reading!

Dear Old Man Winter,

I'm not sure what kind of monkey business you are trying to pull here.  The first snow we got today was supposed to be here two weeks ago, and it was only supposed to be a light dusting.  Not the big, puffy snowflakes that arrived today; you know, the ones that are not going away like they are supposed to?  They are turning the highways into Snow Fields of Death (not 'death' literally; nobody died today that I am aware of).

You know I don't have winter tires, right? Were you not aware that my all-seasons are on their last legs as it is? I don't want to drive them in any amount of snow, let alone this dumping you sent, because I have a slight aversion to flipping my vehicle upside down and landing in the ditch and killing us all in a fiery wreck. Yeah, I'm a real party pooper. ("pooper" *snicker*)

Fair warning: The other folks who drive on our secondary highway will be seriously cursing you for this weather when they are forced to drive 50km/hr (what is that, like 35 mph?) behind me because I have zero traction on my bald tires at any kind of reasonable highway speed.  Hairless cats greased in Crisco trying to climb a waterslide have more traction than my tires. Just sayin'.

The worst part of this ridiculous snow is having to bundle three kids up for the 15 ft trek from the front door to my vehicle in these blizzard-like conditions.  This is not just a silly quirk of mine, it is a limb-saving requirement. Neither myself nor my kids have any grace or balance to speak of, so it is a given that every  single time we go out, someone will bite it on the walkway - which I haven't had a chance to shovel yet. It's just better for everyone if we are layered in padding from head to foot.

And that's another thing, OMW, are you punking me?  I mean, when I finally do get around to shoveling, why is it that you always make it snow again right when I'm just finishing up? I bet you think you're a real comedian, don't you?

So, Old Man, enough with this bull.  Get rid of the snow before Saturday night, because I really don't want to watch my children fall down repeatedly as they trick or treat and get me some candy.  After a few falls, the kids will be sick and tired of being cold and wet and covered in snow and they'll start whining to go home and then how will I get my candy.  All this snow will really ruin the excitement of Halloween for the wee ones and that's just not fair neither is me going home without scoring the big candy.

Sincerely,

"Crisco Kitty" Fox

Don't fuck with my candy, old timer, it's not wise for your health.

14 comments:

  1. Okay - in line with your comment instructions, I will attempt some effusiveness (effusivity?) - do you realize that it totally rocked my day to see a comment from STONE FOX on my blog?!?! :)

    See, I love your writings. But a COMMENT means that you actually took the time to read my drivel and form a thought about it. Yay! :)

    Sorry 'bout the snow. Ours comes later... better than the current rain, rain, and more rain, no?

    It always seemed funner (yes, that is a word - thank you very much) when we were kids, right? :)

    Happy Wintering.

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  2. YOU tell him! That was hilarious!

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  3. hehe move over here, ive never even SEEN snow:)

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  4. I'm kinda sorta dreading winter over here, because once the snow falls snowmobile season starts and then, apparently, I will never see Joe. Unless he manages to locate a machine for me to drive and teaches me enough for me to join him upon occasion. However, since he's a speed demon who regularly goes 120 across random fields and I will be a newbie, this will not be the norm.

    Sigh.

    We'll see if I can handle it. It could be the deal breaker.

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  5. Wow- that much snow in October? Crazy. I'm almost like Lisa though- the last time I saw snow I think I was about 11 years old. It just DOESN'T happen here. I hope things thaw out some for Halloween night. When else can we send our children begging for candy for us to consume and not be considered bad parents?

    Thanks for linking up!

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  6. I'll have to figure out where you are now and think of you everytime I see the weatherman notate blizzards. :)

    crisco kitties

    hilarious
    xoxo supah

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  7. Hahaha, I hate driving in snow for that same reason. And now I will stop complaining about the chance of RAIN we're supposed to have on Saturday and start thanking the heavens we don't have snow.

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  8. OMG we got dumped on big time here. Isn't tomorrow Halloween NOT Christmas?! I feel your pain girl!

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  9. I would be wicked pissed too if we had snow right now. I am in the bald tires club and am too lazy & broke to get new ones just yet. I hope it goes away so you can get your candy. I taught my boy to say he likes chocolate. You think it'll work??

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  10. hmmm Km/h? ... sending kids trick or treating in the snow? .... you must be from Canada eh? Calgary here and I hear ya! It's snowed 3x since September, and altough I'm uber-greatful it's melted and my daughter wont have to wear a snowsuit under her costume THIS year (Hi 5) I'm still pissed it even snows AT ALL.

    Also, I am lmao at your "pooper" snicker ....

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  11. Reason #54 I moved back to Texas.

    No snow. And after actually flipping over onto the roof of the car and landing upside down in a ditch (though no one was injured) last december, I will Never Live Where It Snows Again.

    (reasons 1-53 revolve around food. Specifically mexican food and Canada's lack of it. I require a daily dose of scald your sinuses hot sauce and Pace ain't it)

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  12. When the hell is the first day of winter? WAIT. Don't answer that. I don't want to get depressed. Because shit, it's already cold as fcuk here.

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  13. OMG. Thank you. I really needed a laugh. Sorry it was at your expense. Did you get a lot of candy? We sure as hell did. Can't wait till that third one is old enough to hold out a bucket. More for mama!

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  14. Snow...hm...it's white, right? I recall that from my early childhood in Missouri...wet too, I think. I know mud better, and have the same driving issues and tires and all. Same concept, only harder to wash out. Doesn't last as long tho, as we tend to hope Winte...I mean, Mud Season, comes on a weekday here, so as not to screw with the weekend.

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