Monday, December 21, 2009

The meaning of Christmas

A conversation yesterday morning between Hot Stuff and I as we (finally) put up the tree:

HS: So.. what do you want for Christmas?

Me: Um.. I don't know.. whatever.

HS: Well, don't say whatever, or I'll end up coming home with a frying pan or a house coat or something. And how many house coats do you have, like three upstairs that you don't wear?

Me: Yeah. Well, why don't you get me an apron? I need an apron.

HS: Are you serious? You want an apron?

Me: Well, kind of.

HS: uncertain smile

Me: Lookit, I'll tell you what. You think about me, and about what I would like. If you put some thought into it, I'm sure you can figure it out.

HS: Are you fucking serious?

Me: Well, yeah. You need to put some thought into it. Seriously, it won't be that hard. Just consider me and what my tastes are, what I like and don't like, and I'm sure you'll come home with the perfect gift.

(I am such a shit.)

Hot stuff leaves to go pick up a gift for me and then grab my sister from the bus station. On the way into town, he calls me from his cell.

HS: Hey, were you serious about all of that earlier?

Me: Yeah. Hon, you have to put some thought into it, okay? I'm sure you'll do great.

HS: Fuck.

Is it wrong to take such delight in playing cat and mouse with someone's sanity? Is it fair to lay down this pressure five days before Christmas?  The answer is a most enthusiastic Yes! I have learned that the true meaning of Christmas is being able to put the screws to your partner in life for your own personal enjoyment.

Thank you, honey, this was the best gift ever.

I am not without mercy.  After Doreen and I laughed about it, I gave her the okay to call Hot Stuff and tell him that an iPod would also be a good gift. (Although, I am fully aware that I will be opening another frying pan and/or housecoat Christmas morning if he reads this.)


  1. Bawahahahahahaha! You are my hero!

  2. Hope you like frying pans

  3. As funny as this is (and it IS funny!), I actually DO believe a little thought would be a nice thing when it comes to gifts. I never ask what he wants, I just think about things he's mentioned and buy something. My husband asked me this year and I told him and he got EXACTLY what I wanted and when I opened it, I said, that's it? Nothing else? That's so anticlimactic! I mean, yes, I love my new boots but a little box to go along with them would have been nice... am I alone here?

    Found you through Momalom!

  4. You're wicked. In a delicious sort of way. Now I can't wait to see if you got the ipod or the frying pan. Tho, I'd be thrilled with a calaphon roaster..

  5. You are an evil genius! I can't wait to hear what you get. I'm betting on a Chia Pet or a Snuggie.

  6. So, how was Christmas? This year I convinced Sweetie that we should exchange gifts. So the kids could have a little perspective, ya know? I don't think that worked, really, but I was so sweetly surprised when, in addition to a bookstore gift certificate (DUH) and chocolate (DUH) I received earrings. Three gifts of perfectly balanced predictability and surprise. All were ME. And that there is thought. So, that's my long way of saying, I hear you. I agree with you. And I do not think you are evil.


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