I'm still here. I'm barely hanging on by the skin of my fingernails but I'm still here. Life is handing me lemons, and I'm not interested in making lemonade. I'm more interested in cutting the lemons in half and then squeezing them into the eyes of one who needs a fucking wake up call.
The tension in this house is freaking unreal. (Sorry, dear sister, that you received some of the lemon-squeezy. I do love you enormously.) My guts are completely twisted up. In my mind, I am alternately curled up in a ball and bent over barfing because I can't stomach the stress. Since Hot Stuff reads my blog sometimes, I am not going to get into detail, although again, like it was here, it is rocky between us. Only worse. And this? Was me. Still is. Only worse. To those who left a comment; thank you, my heart was touched.
Last year at this time I could not wait until 2008 was over. In 2008, my mother died. My relationship with my brother fell apart. My Little Dude was born. It was all too much and I kept telling myself, don't worry, 2008 is almost over. 2009 will be better. It wasn't. This year I am not telling myself that 2010 will be better. This year I am telling myself that I will make 2010 better. I will not leave it to someone else.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
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Oh gosh girl. I'm so sorry. I went and read the other post and it is heart wrenching. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. It sounds like a rough patch in your marriage! I won't bother you with "it will get better" stuff. Instead, know that I am thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteGood for you girlie....you WILL make 2010 better for yourself and your kids. Check out my blog!
ReplyDeleteHang in there....{hug}
ReplyDeleteI am incredibly encouraged and uplifted by your very last statements (last 3 sentences).
ReplyDeleteSo much so that I think I am going to adopt it as my own mantra. That is *exactly* the kind of attitude required. Thank you and good luck as well!
Being an active force beats the hell out of waiting for it to be delivered, for sure.
ReplyDeleteIf nothing else, it means you're in position to throttle the hell out of something that needs it.
You have no email readily apparent on your blog.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear that 2009 didn't bring you the things you wanted most. Here's hoping that you kick 2010's butt...it sounds like you've got the attitude you need to do it!
ReplyDeleteWhere the fuckity fuck have I been? Gah! Feeling horrible. Going to read more....
ReplyDeleteBut first, YES...2010 is the year YOU make life better. Grab it by the balls, my girl. Grab it, take it, live it, love it. Laugh.