Saturday, June 6, 2009

They're going to take me away (hee hee)

My face hurts from fake-smiling so much this week. Mostly the week with the in-laws went well, although there were some awkward fake-smiley moments. Such as the moment my husband asked me (in front of his mother) if I was going to "play nice" when his sister (aka Slightly Psycho) came over to visit. Such as the moment my mother in-law rolled in at midnight one night and I came downstairs when the dog barked, only to see Dear Ma stagger in and weave to the bathroom. Such as the moment the next day when Father Inlaw claimed she only had two glasses of wine. Such as every single moment of my nephew's birthday on Friday afternoon (who has a kid's party on a weekday afternoon??), especially the moment at 5:30 when I realized I was half an hour late to pick my sister up and yelled, in front of lots of small kids and their mothers, "Oh Sh*t!! I forgot to pick up M!!" and then proceed to toss my baby like a football to my husband.

Oh my garsh, I sure am glad I have somewhere to put these thoughts. You'd never know how uncomfortable I am around my sister-in-law, as I work very hard to be polite for the sake of my husband and in-laws, but I would rather electrocute my nipples than put that much effort into something. Especially fake-smiling.

Life Lesson: If you let your 20 month old girl and her 4 year old brother play while both are under the alleged "eagle eye" of your husband, said 4 year old will get annoyed, pick up a hard plastic scratchy-foam-covered bat and smoke said 20 month old girl in the eye. Hilarity ensues. And by hilarity I mean blood curdling screaming, daddy yelling, 4 year old wailing, 40 minutes driving to two eye doctors to find out they are both closed, heading over to emerg because you're grossed out by eye injury stuff and have an out-of-control imagination, 2 hrs waiting, suspicious and huffy looks from others, doctor saying baby's ok after a 2 minute assessment, driving home in weekend traffic hilarity.

Wow. My girl has quite a shiner. I wanted to get her a shirt that says, "You should see the other guy." My husband, sick wacko that he is, thinks we should get her a shirt that says, "Daddy loves me."

1 comment:

  1. "Daddy loves me" [hrmf]. Officially, of course, I'm offended, but I can't help the fact that I'm snickering every time I read that. Lauging at inappropriate things is how we know they're inappropriate...
    ...That's my story and I'm sticking to it...


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