Monday, September 21, 2009

Thrift Store Junkie

Neither Hot Stuff nor I are big "clothes" people. I mean, we wear clothes (your eyes are thanking me) most of the time, but neither of us are big garment-hounds. I spend my days binge drinking and online gambling doting on my precious children and Hot Stuff also has a job that requires him to get dirty just about every day, so we don't spend a lot of money on finery around here.

This weekend, I took a mosey on over to Valeux Veelahje (aka Value Village) to get a few shirts for Hot Stuff and some jammies for my Princess. I barely made it out alive two and a half hours later and $200 poorer. Yeah, you read that right. I spent $200 in the thrift store. Imagine, for a moment, how much stuff you get for $200 at the thrift store. It is like two big green garbage bagfuls, except the garbage bags are white and they say "Value Village" all over them.

I bought enough shirts for Hot Stuff to wear a different one every day for at least a week and a half. I bought enough jammers for my kid to more than double her current supply of four. (Yes, my daughter only had four pairs of pjs; if she would stop growing, we would not have this problem.) I am not talking about crap clothes, either. Name brands, people. A pair of adidas pants for my man at $12.99. Never been worn!! (I could tell because: light colored men's pants, with NO food and/or beer stains? NO weird, mysterious stains right at the crotch? Yeah, right.) BANG! American Eagle cap-sleeve shirt for $7.49 for me. BANG! Baby Gap jimmy-jams for $3.00 for my girl. BANG! I feel like the Slap Chop guy of Sham-Wow fame (perhaps lesser-known for getting tossed in the clink for punching a hooker who bit him when he tried to kiss her. Yeah, no shit, true story).

Thrift stores are pretty cool. It was way busier on Saturday than I expected; seems like everyone decided to shop there at the exact same time as me. Hello, do you not know who I am? I cannot be crowded while I rifle through the racks. I need space. I can't rub elbows with the unwashed masses as I rummage through the cast-off clothes of the privileged. I found a Happy Bunny shirt that read, "It's all about Me. You should know that by now," which I was tempted to wear around the store to let the people know. What stopped me was the vision I had of myself forgetting I was wearing the shirt, and getting arrested seconds after I walked out of the store.

I wonder if the thrift store people would press charges. I mean, really, I just spent $200 there. How often does that happen? It's like I'm a Thrift Store High Roller now. The next time I go, they will probably roll out the red carpet. Or, they will roll out several previously loved carpets in many different colors, artfully arranged to hide the bare spots and dog pee stains.


  1. LOL- Love this! You are a high-roller. I mean really, I can't even imagine the piles of clothes you got for $200.

  2. Punching a hooker is actually ALL I know that guy for. I had never heard of him before that, except some email comparing his picture to Beavis, and I was all "wow, there's an actual human that looks like Beavis!" Now I see the Slap Chop commercial and think "hey! Hooker guy!"

  3. The Gone Again SmithsSeptember 22, 2009 at 1:34 PM

    I am a huge fan of the resale shops in my area. We live in a fairly upscale suburb and I get awesome gymboree outfits for my daughter for 12 bucks a piece. I think I did 90% of her back to school shopping this way!

  4. I think you should consider it VIP treatment if the people even look up and grunt an acknowledgment in your direction.

  5. So ANYWAY - I was at VV on Saturday, too! Biggest score was a knee-length bright green corduroy jacket from April Cornell. 15 bucks! yay!


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