Tuesday, May 19, 2009

A Day of Disgusting Things

Disgusting thing #1: You always know the day is off to a great start when the first bottle of the day gets thrown up all over you. No (unfortunately) not my first bottle (of vodka) of the day. The 6 month old baby's first bottle of the day. I love to scrub baby barf out of pillows and couches and such, and also enjoy smelling of barfed up formula.

Disgusting thing #2: Whilst changing two baby bums on the couch (Oooh.. bad mommy!! You're supposed to change babies on the floor so they don't roll off the couch.. again), I happened to notice a "strange" smell. "Eau du crotch of homeless crazy lady" comes close to describing it. Of course, I have a mini internal freak-out, thinking that my poor Princess has some terrible, raging, flesh-eating vag infection, but no, because when I picked her up to smell her (yes, I really did that), the smell wasn't coming from her. It was coming from the couch. And also from the dog, our 7 year old female bullmastiff. It was so strong when I bent down to smell the dog (yes, I really did that), all of my nose hairs fell out. Why do I feel the need to get that close to her ass end? Turns out that when female dogs get old, their secretions change. Change from "no smell" to "disgusting rotten gnarly smell" apparently. I guess she slept on the couch last night and decided to give herself a crotch bath before settling in. UGH!! Maybe next time I'll give her a bath. With a fire hose and some Febreze. I did mention how much I love scrubbing couches, right? I *heart* Mr. Clean Disinfecting Wipes.

Disgusting thing #3: Today is clean the bathrooms day around here, one of my favorite jobs (heavy sarcasm). I noticed that the sink was draining verrryy slowly. Sure enough, my darling, precious angels have been spending quality time shoving diaper wipes down the sink drain. What about the plug for the sink, you say? Doesn't the plug stop things from going down the drain, you say? BROKEN. Yanked clean out of the drain and left on the floor. By my darling, precious angels.

Disgusting thing #3A: I am now certain that there are a few drunk hobos (with really bad aim) out there who are missing their asses, as it appears a few of them have exploded on my toilet. UGH!!

Who says the life of a stay at home mama ain't glamorous?

1 comment:

  1. OMG! Tell it like it is girl!! ...still laughing....


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