Friday, May 15, 2009

It's late and I'm tired

My oldest boy is at his cousin's for a sleepover tonight, and my sister is staying here. My husband isn't working tomorrow, so that means I don't have to get up early with the kids. So what the hell, might as well stay up late and write.

Not sure if it's a confluence of events or if I'm just over-sensitized these days, but I seem to be reading about death lately. My heart goes out to Kayleigh and Maddie's families. The worst, most horrific thing I can think of is to lose a child. It is so scary that I can't look too closely at it, because the sadness is too much. Of course, reading the comments is also gut-wrenching, because it seems so many can relate.

Mother's Day was last Sunday, and I didn't take time to grieve for my mother. Stupid me, you would think I learned my lesson when she passed away and I tried to pretend that I had dealt with it and life was under control. Ha! Maybe the tears I'm crying aren't just for the families of those little angels, but also for my mom. I miss her a lot. I am so good about keeping my feelings hidden around other people, but this just sucks. I miss my mommy. I miss the mother who gave advice and comfort, and who was my role model and friend. I even miss her overbearing ways. I miss her smell (covergirl foundation), and the way she would walk up beside me, put her arm around my waist, and give a little squeeze. Okay, now I need to move on to another topic because I'm not ready to stand that close to her memory.

Who am I kidding? I need to go have a good cry.


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